Satisfy my soul

As I stood next to Ethan's crib trying my best to comfort him without food he grabbed onto my index finger with his whole hand and didn't let go until he drifted off to sleep for a while. There is no better feeling than when your little one holds on with all of their might. I was talking to Dale the other day about how I worry Ethan will lose trust in us because we can't feed him when he is hungry, but him holding on reaffirmed his trust and I'm one of the only people he doesn't tense his tummy muscles for.

His nurse just came in and offered to give his tylenol orally instead of through his nose tube..thank God. Ethan just lapped it up, it was banana flavoured. Finally he got more than just a soother since Saturday. I'm going to see if all of his nurses will do that for him...if he can at least get a taste of something every 6 hours that might make him settle better....and as I write this he is closing his eyes and looks so peaceful.

I was looking for quotes about strength tonight in hopes of coming across something to renew my strength to go through this for the second time in less than 3 months and I found a few....

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.  ~Jewish Proverb


We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.  ~Kenji Miyazawa

When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.  ~Barbara Bloom

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.  ~Mother Teresa

And

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

There are tons to chose from, but these were the ones that spoke to me today. Now that Ethan is sucking his soother and falling asleep to the banana taste in his mouth, I think I will try to get some sleep before he wakes up again.

To see everything

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Children's Hospital and a couple thank you's!

Dancing again... this time, with a RUMBLE!

Shout out to our good friend BV in this one! Listed for the rumble, that isn't a phone! lol

Ethan @ Children's

We learn things like NPO at the hospital. For those who don't know, it means "don't feed". It's a pretty brutal way to help someone.

This video was taken today (March 28). We are unsure what the problem is. We know he has a blockage, it's not a complete one as he is still pooping and farting (OMG FARTING.... WOW!!!). Or if it's just an infection.

He's on a round of anti-biotics, and has been since Saturday. He's been NPO since then, and wont get to eat until at least tomorrow.

Figured I'd share with you all.

EHC in 'Tiny Dancer'

28 Days early, but it's ok, we good like that!

As I awake this Sunday January 9th, I think back to where I was 24 hours ago. Sitting beside a hospital bed where Tammy was passed out exhausted from the days events. I look over at her and think to myself, "How is it that she was able to do that and still look so beautiful? I'd look like a train wreck..." I smile and think how lucky I truly am. You see, two days ago, January 7th, Tammy woke me at 5:30 saying she was in pain, I figured that she was always in pain (being 8 months pregnant and all), so it just might hurt a bit more than normal and she was over reacting.

She wanted to call health links, so, knowing what they usually say, I prep myself to go to the hospital. Sure enough, "We are going to the hospital, grab the bag". The bag... a half put together bag of necessities that were set aside for what we expected to come 4 to 6 weeks later. Toiletries, socks... we hadn't done the rest as, we thought there was time.

We get to St.Boniface hospital, walk into emergency, the lady looks up at us "Are you in labour?"... I'm thinking... "No, we are not.", my wife answers "I don't know." The woman behind the counter says "Third floor... move it." So we head up to the third floor just in time to hear a woman beside us scream out "I need drugs, this hurt... please I need drugs." and some nurses say "I'm sorry dear, you are far too along for us to help, your baby is going to be here in a few minutes." Yikes, that's scary!

It's now 7am, and a doctor finally comes in to see us. Tammy on the bed, legs up all "ready" for the inspection, gets a "Well, you are 4cm's.... it looks like you are having your baby today." WHAT????? BACK THE 'TRUCK' UP HERE??? TODAY???????? Due Feb 4 I kept thinking in my head... DUE FEB 4!!! NOT JAN 7!!!!!

So, after a few somewhat painful contractions, we're moved to delivery. It's about mid-day now (2ish) and our second nurse of the day (at this hospital, nurses and expecting mothers are 1:1 ratio, so it was GREAT!), a student I'm sure, is doing great, working hard to make sure things are good for us. Then, it's "shift change" on the ward, and we get a SUPERSTAR! I swear this woman was the greatest nurse ever (Mia I believe was her name)! On top of everything, knew what to say/do/expect/give it was great! Tammy had been experiencing some remarkable pain (many women will say the same, but later on, I can tell you this was a bit different). She decides, well, it's today, I am now 7cm's, I need something for the pain. We decide on an epidural, which she tells me is "magic". 

It's getting later in the day now, we are both very tired. Her pain seems to have gone away, so we figure "We need a name if it's a boy." After a few minutes of brainstorming, we fall in love with 2 names and figure out that when the time comes, we'll know. (Hint, most of you know it already! lol)

After that, we get some shut eye... well, I get 10 minutes, she gets a good hour (yay!!!). I think to myself "sleep up, you'll need energy later". We ask our superstar nurse, when she expects delivery, her response "Before the end of my shift!" with a smile. Unfortunately, she was wrong, her logic was solid though, we were 10cm's by about 8pm, she had a full 3 hours left before the end of her shift, so it made sense.

Tammy begins to experience some significant pain again, despite the epidural. It's all located on her left hip (turns out her hip made an excellent pillow). We change her positions a few times to see what works, and finally decide on one that seems to work better for her. A few more hours pass by, and a shift change. Our superstar nurse is now gone, but, with that said, we get another star, who takes amazingly good care of my wife.

At 3 am, after Tammy changed back to one of her original positions that caused so much pain, she states "Ok, time to get this show on the road". She turns to our nurse, and said "I'm ready, let's get this over with."

2.5 hours later, through some immense pushing and, well, some militant behavior on Tammy's part, we have...

A SON!!!!! WOW, it's amazing! A baby boy!!! Without any bias at all, I can safely say, Ethan is the most beautiful thing ever created on this planet, bar none! (get it, not biased! haha). Weighing in at 6lbs 12oz, he's a great sized baby!

We then see the him and the issue and know this is far more serious than we had first thought. The NICU doctors took Ethan right away to do some initial testing, all looks good so far was the diagnosis. It's now 7:30, and the post natal rooms are being renovated, so, my wife is put in a room with 3 other women. no room for me in there. I figure, I should head home, my baby is behind closed doors where I can't visit, and the bed my wife is in is far too small to share. I get home at about 8.

I head back the next day at 12:30, my wife tells me they are already going into surgery... WHAT??? They had said 2-4 days after birth.... what is going on here? The surgeon comes in to talk to us about what may be needed and to see if we agree to it. We respond "Whatever you need to do to make sure our baby is fine... do it."

The report was that he did not have the omphalacele they originally thought he did (we found out later that he in fact did have one). As we blog here, you'll see this isn't the last medical issue Ethan has had to go through. 

Stay tuned for some video's, pictures, and stories! :)